We're sure you've all heard people complaining about violent video games and the negative effect they have on our society, but what if that is the complete oposite of whats really going on,
Keep playing these games and you wont need to kill anyone in real life (quite as badly)
What if games like Grand Theft Auto and Borderlands are whats keeping us from running out and killing hundreds of people. Surely you've seen a large group of office workers or students and though about how awesome it would be to blow them all up with a grenade?
A bunch of office wankers (i wonder if they'd all crowd around a pipe bomb if a through one?)
Instead of finding somewhere that actually sells grenades, running back to the group, pulling the pin and watching as they all get blown in the air, you can just turn on your xbox360 or ps3, insert the shiny disc of GTA IV and perform all your dastardly deeds in a virtual city, relieving stress and tension without hurting anyone!
Even Buddhist monks have spoken out about the positive and
relaxing effect of violent video games!
These precious machines may be all that's keeping you from punching your grandma
Now imagine if this option was unavailable, if the only way to get the satifaction of watching stuff blow up was to actually go out and make it happen in reality, what if there was no virtual output for all your whack-a-guy-in-the-face-with-a-baseball-bat needs, what happens then? If violent video games were to be banned then crime rates would rise dramatically, as there is no other way to live out those stress relieving actions.
This is what happens when you ban violent games!
This has already been proven (in theory) by an article we stumbled upon about a guy called Daniel Petric who killed his mom when she didn't let him play Halo 3. Take away the game, then the trouble starts!
''Gained the lead''
This case was simply dismissed as a case of insanity, here is part of the article: ''Petric's defense attorneys had argued that he was not guilty by reason of insanity, claiming that he was dangerously addicted to Halo 3'' During the trial the judge said "I firmly believe that Daniel Petric had no idea at the time he hatched this plot that if he killed his parents they would be dead forever" All these excuses are of course hiding a massive web of lies that no one has dared to touch...until now.
Dr Craig Anderson has conducted a large amount of research into how violent video games are effecting people often mentioning that they have a greater effect on our behaviour than movies or tv due to the level of interaction, however we have not been able to find one example of Dr Anderson conducting any studies on violent movies nor comparing the effect that movies have with that of video games, so where does Dr Anderson get these ''facts''?
He probably never even played Doom
From the government of course! The government want us to be afraid of playing violent video games and are trying desprately to ban them, but why? What to they get out of crime rates rising, and people going crazy? The trust of the people, thats what!
With society breaking down into chaos the people will need someone to protect them, they'll turn to the government and the military for aid. And in their desperation for a peaceful society the people will give away all their power to the Elite!
Because of video games crime rates are falling, people are happier than ever and there's not much the New World Order hates more that happy people!!
Happy birthday indeed
But this isn't the only reason for getting rid of violent video games. Oh no people, we've only just begun scratch the surface of unravelling this deep and shoking conspiracy, the next horrifying piece of this million part jiggsaw puzzle of deciet lies in a country most of you have probably never heard of, the little known, god forsaken, desert nation of Australia.
Maaaate
Valve's co-oprative multiplayer shooter Left 4 Dead 2 needed to be altered drasticaly for the Australian release due to the fact that the Australian Classifications Board has no 18+ rating for games and L4D2 had to be released under 15+,
Valve's super awesome co-op zombie shooter Left 4 Dead 2
This altered version contains no dismemberment and just feels broken, here is what an Autralian xbox 360 editor at ign.com had to say: ''Look, I'm no sadist – I don't get off on violence, but I do like decapitating zombies. That's not wrong. I must have been leaking the lizard when the Australian Classifications Board suddenly deemed the undead 'too realistic' to be savaged by virtual machetes and cricket bats. Censorship sucks.''
Another quote from the same editor: ''When I launch a grenade at a group of zombies, I expect results. I expect impact; if not limbs flying, then certainly flaming corpses or a satisfying gush of blood. What happens in the Australian Left 4 Dead 2? The target zombies disappear - I mean completely and instantaneously vanish BEFORE the grenade hits them.''
A whole bunch of zombies were killed here, doesn't look like it does it?
As mentioned, the ACB claimed that the zombies are too realistic saying there was "insufficient delineation between the depiction of general zombie figures and the human figures."
The human characters...
And the zombies
Now we all know that zombies are infact humans infected with a virus, so just how different are zombies and ordinary humans suposed to look? And for zombies to be ''too realistic'' implies that they look to much like REAL ZOMBIES.
Don't you find it a little strange that the ACB thinks L4D2 zombies look to much like real zombie? This obviously means that they know what real zombies look like! In our previous blog we revealed the government's diabolical plan to bring about the zombie apocolypse using the ''swine flu'' vaccine.
Now, we've lived in australia and let me tell you, the ausies are probably the people with the largest chance of surviving massive hordes of zombies!
Just trust us, we've been there and we know how good their chance of survival is
So how do they un-prepare them for the coming outbreak? The answer is frighteningly obvious people: force a game developer to make an altered (and just about broken) version of their almost finished zombie survival game to mislead and confuse the ausies!
When the Zombie horde rolls toward the poor Australians they will (having played the edited game) think thatZombies will simply disappear when attacked! Shed a tear for our Aussie pals, for they will not last long when the Zombie apocalypse comes.
We have still only scrached the surface of this conspiracy my friends, prepare yourselves for Whale Egg's first ever video in witch we take a look at anger studies we did to prove that killing stuff in video games help you relax, and we monitor satisfaction levels of people playing both versions of Left 4 Dead 2 and more! It all comes together in Whale Egg: The Ultimate Truth!
Artical by Falex Peachly, !!**with help from the beautiful and awesomely talented Rofuzz Peachenstien.
No comments:
Post a Comment